Big-Ass Elephant Helps It’s Rhino Homie Out by Squishing a Poacher.

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Great news out of South Africa this afternoon as 5 Rhino poachers were taken off the streets (parks?).  Four of those were arrested.  The other guy? Well, he inadvertently led to their arrest by getting stepped on by a 13,000 lb. Pachyderm.


Typical story here, as 5 dudes were out in the brush looking to harvest some rhino horn for rich asian guy’s boner pills.  Turns out, other things live out in the bush too besides Rhino’s as the next thing you know, they turn around and one of them gets crunched by the worlds largest land mammal.

Hate to see that.

Pretty rough way to go? I’d say.  Probably quick though for what it’s worth.  At least they had a body to take back though, it could have been worse.  He could have gotten eaten by lions or something.

Oh wait.  What’s that you say?

During the search, which was boosted with a further compliment of Field Rangers, the remains of a body were discovered.

According to Phaala, indications found at the scene suggested that a pride of lions had devoured the remains leaving only a human skull and a pair of pants. Skukuza police were notified immediately and are currently busy with further investigations into the incident.

LMAO.  So let me just cover this whole timeline here, because the irony is quite palpable.

  • 5 guys are illegally in a National Park, looking to kill and harvest the horn of an incredibly endangered mammal.
  • 1 of these five guys got squished by an Elephant.
  • Other 4 guys fled the scene, presumably because they also got close to getting crunched.
  • One of the guys had the job of telling the dead guys relatives, that he was not in fact returning due to the fact had been crunched by an elephant.
  • Dead guys family calls the cops on the four others. (Sidenote: you think the family knew their son/husband/brother was a poacher?  I fee like that’s part of the job description of poaching.  “There’s a chance you might die out there, you know, because of all the other dangerous animals”.  If you know that, I don’t see you calling the cops on your relatives poacher friends.  SO. SHOUTOUT THEM, for getting that scum out of there).
  • They look for the body, only to find a skull and a pair of britches and a shit ton of lion tracks.

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Talk about poetic justice.  Live by the sword, die by the sword.


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Hopefully the other four learned a lesson.  I doubt it.