In a Gigantic Move Up the Evolutionary Ladder, Human Kills a Cougar (4-legged) with his Hands.


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Really, Really, Really Bad look for the feline community here.  As humans, all of our lives we are instilled on the ferocity and danger of big cats.  While technically not a “Big Cat” like a Tiger, Lion, Jaguar or Leopard, you have to think those feline cousins of a Mountain Lion feel a little bit betrayed by this performance.  Cougars (Note: Cougar and Mountain Lion are interchangeable) in comparison to their larger cousins have always been the bitch of the family.   They’re smaller, don’t have anything cool like spots, stripes or a mane, and can’t even roar.  They even hunt like a bitch in comparison to the big cats.  They’ll just stand on a ledge and jump down onto something below them.  A deer if their lucky, most likely a rabbit.  What do you think a Lion would do if he saw a Cougar proud as hell he killed ole Roger Rabbit?

All that being said though, Cougars still have a reputation in the America’s as being stone cold silent killers.  They’re as feared as any animal in the hemisphere where they blend in seamlessly from the desert cliffs of the Southwest to the tropics of Central and South America.  They’re silent, vicious, and before you know you’re getting attacked the thing has already crunched your spine through the back of your neck.

Or so I was led to believe.

“After additional investigation, including examination of the lion, we have confirmed the victim’s account that he was able to suffocate the animal while defending himself from attack,” according to a Colorado Parks and Wildlife tweet Tuesday morning

You can’t  be labeled as a feared killing machine and then get killed by some yuppie-ass jogger in Colorado.  That’s against the rules.

As the story goes, this unnamed Coloradoan was out jogging and the movement of his running triggered the “chase” or “attack” instinct from this Mountain Lion.  So not only did this Cougar get the jump on the guy, I have to think it got the first lick or so in too.  I would surmise that the Cougar sank its teeth into this fella before the guy even knew what was happening.

As a four-legged killing machine, how do you go from that…

to this..

Image result for mcgregor khabib submission


Humans are celebrating this victory while the Cougar community is celebrating those shitty genes getting removed from the gene pool.

Not my Apex Predator.

As a species as a whole, I would like to say to the Cougar community “Test these hands, bitch” and bid adios as we ascend up the evolutionary ladder.



S/O to the guy who did this, earning us humans more and more street cred throughout the animal kingdom (But you’re not quite this guy)

Image result for grizzly bear killed with hands
Never mind the fact that this is a *black* bear, all hail our lord and savior.
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