5 Things We Learned in Week 6 of College Football. The SEC is Dogshit Edition.

Dominoes started to fall in this week’s episode of “As the College Football World Turns”, as two unbeaten playoff contenders fell and a one-loss Auburn team laid an egg.  A few teams got exposed as frauds and then we had a few teams look completely different from their early stages.  Both scenarios will undoubtedly prove very interesting going forward and then there is my early season darkhorse looking like it could fuck around and make some noise.  Let’s dive in by first taking a look at the tragic game that took place in the Cotton Bowl on Saturday afternoon.

1) Oklahoma’s deal with the Devil expired.

Look.  I get it.  Oklahoma’s defense has been dog shit for the past 5 years or so.  Trust me, I know that better than anyone.  But just as long as it has sucked, their offense has been phenomenal.

“Baker’s gone? Oh no, they’ll take a huge step back”, no chance.  The Sawce Gawd of Norman steps in with very little drop off.  Baker was transcendent enough  to compensate for the defensive shortcomings against just about everyone and Kyler has looked no different thus far.  That’s why what happened on Saturday baffled me.  It’s not the fact that a team scored 45 points and lost…No, that’s commonplace in the Big-12.  BUT, those games happen against Oklahoma State.  They happen against West Virginia.  Texas Tech.  The Art Brile’s Baylor squads and the TCU squads of old.  What in God’s name has to happen for TEXAS to put up 48 on Oklahoma’s ass?  Transgressions big enough to get your ass fired if your Mike Stoops because that showing was pitiful.  Not that Texas isn’t a good team because I have a lot of respect for the Longhorns after Saturday, but I don’t think anyone has used the words “dynamic offense” and “Texas Longhorns” in the same sentence since ole Colt and Jordan Shipley shard the field (they also shared a house as roomates if you were unaware).  For God’s sakes the offense only scored once against the cadaver of Kansas State just a week before.

Unwrapping the enigma that is Mike Stoops defense is a enough to make a Sooner fans blood boil and brain hurt because deep down, this defense has shown it’s capable of playing well.  Hell, turn on the 4th quarter of that game and the squad looks like it’s got All-Americans across the board.

Nothing against Texas, but they run a fairly vanilla offense and have a quarterback that has struck fear in exactly 0 people in the collegiate ranks.  That’s why it was so perplexing to see the Sooner’s defense make him look like John Elway.   I’ll give it to Herman and Co. they put Ehlinger in a phenomenal position to succeed.  They utilized short to intermediate routes by their goliath wide recieveres Johnson and Humphrey and the QB power run to perfection.  But that is why the conundrum that is the Sooner’s defense is so exhaustively confusing.   Ehlinger is solid running the ball and has proven accurate enough to hit open receivers when ample time in the pocket is allowed, but he isn’t a good enough player to push the ball downfield regularly or escape pressure and drill a pass on the run.  Stoops’ game plan looked like it had prepared for the opposite  of that!  Unfortunately just as it has so many times before.  The Sooner’s secondary seemed afraid of the big pass, and the linebackers constantly dropped into coverage.  OU’s defensive line couldn’t get pressure for 3 quarters giving Ehlinger more than enough time to march his UT squad up and down the field.

The crazy thing is, Mike’s philosophy of avoiding the big  “chunk” plays worked to perfection.  I don’t recall one “big” play from the Longhorns besides a few Pass interference calls.  Instead it was death by a thousand paper cuts as the Longhorns seemingly converted every 3rd down they encountered including a pair of 3rd and 20’s.

Regardless,  OU came storming back and when it had to make stops, the defense stepped up, blitzed linebackers and forced 3 and outs.  Kyler got the ball and had what would have been a heisman moment on a 67 yard TD run.  Unfortunately for the rest of the team, Mike went back to his defense of old when it really mattered and UT marched down the field on the final drive to give Dicker the kicker a game-winning FG attempt which he nailed.

Now Mike is gone but it appears to be too-little-too-late.  The Sooners don’t have that premier non-conference game on their schedule this year to get over a loss in the committee’s eyes, and that combined with Notre Dame looking reeeeal nice makes things iffy for the Sooner’s playoffs hopes.  That being said, chaos is the fuel for the machine that is the sport we all love, and crazier shit has happened.

My only question is this: Why the  hell wasn’t this move done after the Rose Bowl last year? Mike Stoops and Co. lost the best QB in OU history the chance to win a National Championship, and they probably just lost the most dynamic one the same shot.

2) It’s time to look to Basketball in Lexington.

Wow.  Imagine that.  A ranked team loses the first time they play a good team.  Boy I never.  Kentucky isn’t a bad team by any stretch, but they got to their lofty ranking with a mix of conference affiliation and cupcake scheduling (Florida doesn’t count).  People want to talk about the SEC and how high and mighty they are…

Let me tell you something.

Besides Alabama, that conference is a cesspool of bullshit.  Georgia’s good-not-great in my eyes, but they also have a cake walk to the conference championship.  There’s about 8 teams in the SEC that are decent-to-good, but are good enough to trick people into thinking they are.  They’re like that friend you have that doesn’t really know what he’s talking about in a discussion, but knows enough to make you think he does.  Those people can be dangerous.   And so can those teams, and I’ll tell you why.  LSU, Auburn, Kentucky, Florida, Mississippi State, Texas A&M, and South Carolina will all stick around the top-25 and give both Alabama and  Georgia “quality wins” in the committees eyes but….are they really quality?

Kentucky’s straw house got blown down on Saturday, as well did LSU’s.  Who’s next?

Tiers to the SEC


Alabama (Although Don’t crown their asses just yet.  That defense still looks shakey, and Tua ain’t played nobody)


Georgia.  A good team no doubt, but they don’t have the offense firepower to win a game against teams that can score.  Lucky for them, they play in a dawg-shit division where that’s not necessary.

Decent-to-Good aka the Cesspool of Bullshit



Texas A&M

South Carolina



South Carolina

Each on of these teams had simpletons convinced they were good and a contender at one point or another in the season.  Don’t be a simpleton.  Read this site one time for me and educate yourself.  And send it to your friend and family, because I don’t want you associating with simpletons either.

The Rest of the Conference aka the Dog shit division





Ole Miss

These are the teams that will tell you that  the SEC has won however many championships in the past however many years while telling you your team sucks because they are in a different question.  They will tell you how good Alabama is. They will never mention their team though.  Clay Travis is the president of this club.

In closing I would like to make a statement.





The BIG-10 is a better football conference than the SEC at the moment.

3) Don’t look now but Michigan looks like the most dangerous team in the Country.

wrote in depth about Michigan here and what their 2018 season could look like here, and week-by-week they creep toward that ceiling.  My central point in that discussion was that if Shea Patterson plays to his potential, no one was stopping Michigan.  They lead the country in defense, and after a loss to Notre Dame, the offense has shown to be capable.  Last week Patterson completed 70% of his passes for nearly 300 yards and 3 TD’s.   Sure it was against Maryland, but it was his most impressive game of the season at a critical juncture.  The Wolverines have a fucking GAUNTLET to run the next four weeks as they go to Wisconsin, play Mich. State at home then play AT Penn State after a bye.  If the Harbaugh machine is in fact tuned up and ready to fire on all cylinders things are about to get REAL interesting in the Big 10.  If the Wolverines get through that chunk of their schedule unscathed, they have 2 tuneup games before what could come down to an all-time classic game in Ann Arbor against the Buckeyes.  While sitting at #15 in the rankings, in my eyes the Wolverines are one of the few teams that still control their own destiny.  You have to think if they run the table, they are in the playoff.  That defense is flat out disgusting at the moment, and if the offense becomes capable of scoring you better look out.  I know scumbag Urban is.

4) Laviska Shenault Jr. should be a household name once you learn how to say it.

Not a whole lot more to say here than this kid is legit.  4 TD’s against a pesky Sun Devil team, and from all over the field.  He’ll go deep on you, he’ll take a screen pass 30 yards, or he’ll line up in the backfield and get in the end zone that way.  I don’t think Colorado is an exceptionally good football team, but I do think Shenault Jr. is exceptionally good at football.  This might depend on how the Buff’s finish the year, but ole Laviska is sneakily working his way to an invite to New York in December.

5) Travis Etienne is the Most Underrated Kid in the Country.

Trevor Lawrence and the Monstars on the defensive line get all the love for the Tigers, but it’s time the best player on the team gets some love.  Travis Etienne is on pace for a 1,500 yard season if you use his per game average.  That number goes up to 1,700 if you use his average for the past 4 games (163yds/game)…And oh yea, he’s on pace for 22 TD’s.  Lawrence has got the high school accolades and the flow of the Fonz.  The Defensive line has the lofty draft projections.  But it’s Etienne who is the heartbeat of the team and the driving force behind their consistency.  Clemson doesn’t have a whole lot of  meat left on their schedule, but a guy like Etienne should be the rock they need with a freshman QB manning the helms to  ensure a slip-up doesn’t happen.