Here to Report a Murder: Marshall Mathers likely to face 25 to Life.


Sweet mother of God.  Why would you poke the bear here? Sure, Machine Gun Kelly got a lot of attention…but he just got ruined.

Em perfectly scripted the vibe of this song as if he had no interest doing it, almost as if he just rolled in the studio while running errands to record it because the public demanded it.  It’s such a casual vibe throughout the song, almost emotionless throughout the whole tune as Eminem just systematically destroys the man formerly known as Machine Gun Kelly.  Throughout the tune he brick by brick just picks topics off a list and just abuses MGK.

He brings up his career. Multiple Times

“Pop champagne to this.  It’s your moment. As big as you’re going to get, so enjoy it.  I had to  give you a career to destroy it”

“And for the record, you would suck a dick to be me for a second”

“I’ve had enough of this tatted up mumble rapper, how the fuck can he and I have a battle”

“The day you put out a hit is the day Diddy admits he put out the hit that got ‘Pac killed”

“I’m sick of your blonde hair and earrings, cuz you look in the mirror and think you’re Marshall Mathers, don’t mean you are and you not about it, so just leave my dick in your mouth and my daughter out it”.

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a fire

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Throughout the song he also goes through MGK’s diss track pointing out everything wrong with it.  Saying essentially that all the stuff he rapped about on it, are irrelevant to Eminem.  Who cares if Em reads a dictionary.  Em also calls him Stan several times which is laugh out loud funny. Just keep Haley’s name out of your mouth.  Literally been the  ONLY rule Em has had throughout his career.  You mention his daughter though, sheeeesh.  Good riddance.  You do that, you get lines such as this.

Then he just “Son’s” him throughout.

“I realized I forgot to call you back, heres that autograph for your daughter.  I wrote it on a Starter hat.

“Stan, Stan, Son.  Dad isn’t mad but how you gonna name yourself after a damn gun, and have a man bun?”

“Got more fans in your own city, little kiddie go play.  I feel like I’m babysitting lil Tay.”

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Throughout these sections of the song, the  overarching theme is that a 45 shouldn’t be a  better rapper than the guy in his twenties, but that’s exactly how it is.  Both  due to Eminems own ability and MGK’s lack there of.

The  absolute  Killshot though, is when he brings up MGK’s girl, or evidently lack there of.   I’ll be the first one to admit I’m not well versed on the comings and goings of this new wave of hip-hop  I don’t know who is dating who.  What I do know is this…

If Eminem drops this line on a very casual sounding diss track…You have to retire from hip-hop.

“We can all see you’re fuckin’ salty because Young Gerald is balls deep inside of Halsey”

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First G-Eazy steals your girl, which there isn’t too much shame in.  That’s what guys like G-Eazy can and will do.  That being said, if that happens then it’s fair game on a diss track.  And Got Damn, to bring it up like THAT is ruthless and savage move.

So, in closing today’s lesson.  Don’t poke the fucking bear.  This is like when Nick Cannon thought he could win a rap battle against the most infamous battle rapper of all time.  The former Mr. Mariah Carey at least had the sense not to go through with it.  It was good(?) run I guess, from Machine Gun Kelly but I’m not sure how you come back from this.  Eminem piece by piece destroyed you in a rap that sounded like he rolled out bed and into the studio wearing sweat pants.  I’m honestly surprised there wasn’t a yawn or two in the track.

Most casual murder I’ve seen since Arya Stark killed that bastard Littlefinger

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